The end

Since I'm no longer pregnant, there is no need to keep on going over here.

Head on over to my old haunt,practicing contentment

Thanks for reading while it lasted.

Hendrix 36 weeks

Had another u/s today! He wasn't too happy about his picture being taken as he was once again occupied with his hand and his cord to mug for the camera.We have changed the order of his name to Hendrix Thomas John. Chris likes that better and so do I. Minor issues with my blood pressure, so I've been instructed to take it easy this weekend and come back in on Monday. No prob!

Did I already tell you this?

I have always kind of assumed that my csection with Ivy was brought on because I am a wuss. I'll have to post her birth story soon as I have been meaning to do so, and that it's been on my mind very much as of late.

I'm not that woman that feels that I need to FEEL labor to feel empowered. I would have elected to have a csection the first go around, but I didn't feel comfortable enough with the whole process to push my case. I do remember asking for an epidural pre labor, in a devised only for me backpack form. My midwife didn't go for it, but did tell me that I could have an epidural any time that I wanted after I was admitted. Yeah, she's that cool.

This time, I knew that I did not want to try a BVAC, so I just said, "Schedule me." And they did. Since I am the definition of high maintenance, I see both my midwife and my OB on a regular basis.

I see my OB regularly on a personal/professional basis. When I saw her last week, she took a gander at my waddle and asked, "Aren't you on my surgery schedule in 5 weeks?" Sure am, I said. "Well, I'm not sure if you're gonna make it til then." She says.

She then asks, "Why did we section you with Ivy? I don't remember." I then went on to tell her that I thought that it was because I just couldn't get the hang of labor or of pushing. I really did think that it was something disfunctional with my abilities. Then, in one of the most affirming, healing sentences that redeemed 5 years of guilt at being sucky at labor, she told me, "Well, I highly doubt that! Sue (my midwife) and I try absolutely everything that we can before we section someone. It wouldn't be because you weren't pushing properly. It had to be something physical before we took the scalpel to you."

How cool was that???

More proof!

First off, you are all too sweet, but I think that the way I was sitting may have hid the hugeness that I am feeling. So, here are some more pics that were taken recently, but not as recent as the last posting.

The one of the left was in mid November, Chris had bought me a new hat that is just adorable. The one on the right is on Halloween with Ivy being Dorothy and me being Pregnant Rizzo from Grease!

And then today

I woke up with a cold sore.
Had to work at daycare to get out state bills. Got a phone call from the spa, reminding me about a spa package I said that I'd do which was supposed to start in 10 minutes. Didn't finish bills and they'll just have to wait.
Road construction is now right in front of our drive.
It's Chris' birthday.
My sis in law called in tears because of my inconsiderate in laws.
And I love mondays, don't ya know!

Miss you all. Miss reading about your lives. Missing so many things right now. My feet included.

Hey Anne, thanks for the "tiny" comment. But did you see my face?

Huge and Miserable

And here is the proof! This pic was taken today for Chris' birthday lunch at Red Robin. I'm huge. Not being able to walk will do that to you.

Turn away if you don't want to join the whinefest.

I have had a cough and sore throat for over a week. I still can't walk, sit, or stand without pain. I will be groveling at the feet of my midwife this week to see if I can do my c-section any earlier. I cry every single day. I started leaking breast milk a couple of days ago. I feel like a polluted fish bowl.

Hendrix is doing great. Moving constantly all over the place. Ivy is getting super excited. Becken knows something is up and has started regressing, which is actually adorable. And Chris is really starting to realize that this huge bump is his teeny tiny son.

The gifts have started to show up and a couple of girlfriends are throwing me a shower on the 14th. I really doubt that I'm going to make it til then.

One day at a time.

The Descent

Remember when my therapist compared pregnancy to a flight of hormones? Well, I have began the descent and it is not fun. Anxiety and white knuckles are pretty common for me lately. I'm back on my full dose of meds, in pain for the majority of the waking hours (this baby is soooo low) and quite the vessel of tears.
Today was very nice though. I stayed in bed on my side until 3 pm. Chris is on vacation and I just totally checked out of the daily routine. When I woke up, we finally went shopping for a "coming home" outfit for Hendrix which has been making my life jittery for a week or so.
And through it all, it is still worth it. Regardless, it is worth it. I'd rather feel like this, than not be pregnant with this beautiful boy. Even through the physical and mental pain, this has been such a gift of redemption. I think about Becken's Africa mommy and I shut my mouth. I am so lucky.
47 days to go.