I have always kind of assumed that my csection with Ivy was brought on because I am a wuss. I'll have to post her birth story soon as I have been meaning to do so, and that it's been on my mind very much as of late.
I'm not that woman that feels that I need to FEEL labor to feel empowered. I would have elected to have a csection the first go around, but I didn't feel comfortable enough with the whole process to push my case. I do remember asking for an epidural pre labor, in a devised only for me backpack form. My midwife didn't go for it, but did tell me that I could have an epidural any time that I wanted after I was admitted. Yeah, she's that cool.
This time, I knew that I did not want to try a BVAC, so I just said, "Schedule me." And they did. Since I am the definition of high maintenance, I see both my midwife and my OB on a regular basis.
I see my OB regularly on a personal/professional basis. When I saw her last week, she took a gander at my waddle and asked, "Aren't you on my surgery schedule in 5 weeks?" Sure am, I said. "Well, I'm not sure if you're gonna make it til then." She says.
She then asks, "Why did we section you with Ivy? I don't remember." I then went on to tell her that I thought that it was because I just couldn't get the hang of labor or of pushing. I really did think that it was something disfunctional with my abilities. Then, in one of the most affirming, healing sentences that redeemed 5 years of guilt at being sucky at labor, she told me, "Well, I highly doubt that! Sue (my midwife) and I try absolutely everything that we can before we section someone. It wouldn't be because you weren't pushing properly. It had to be something physical before we took the scalpel to you."
How cool was that???